My life is a mess...

I've haven't been doing this for a long time because of things happening in school.

I feel like at this moment in time, my life is kinda messed up now. I don't know what to do, where I should go. School isn't what it used to be like any more. My friends. I don't know. They're different from my previous class. Then again, they're new so I can't compare. But still, I feel as if I'm not part of their "group". All I'm doing in class is put myself in a little corner and stare blankly at the floor. While all my classmates are laughing happily. And to me, I can see they can't really be bothered about me. There are a few of 'em who care and it's nice. Thank you. But I guess it's just me. I can't adapt myself that quickly. Lessons like economics and maths are slowly and painfully killing me.

"Congratulations. You're class has just set the record for the lowest score for your economics assignment."

(All of them then turn their head to look at me at this point) Mrs E, (remember her?) then told me: "Nick I think you should drop economics. Because *looks at my pathetic score* Or you should just change your subject combination"

Sighs... I'm so frustrated. I don't know how to explain this feeling inside of me. Its like there's a well of emotion inside of me, all tangled up together and wanting to burst out of me but can't. The work just keep coming in now. I am starting to feel the stress. I want to yell at the top of my lungs and scream. Scream till my throat go hoarse and I can't speak. Scream till I cough out blood.

Maths is a killer. I need help. All I do now is just sleep in class since I don't understand. I need to do something about it. I need Cass to help me. But just now we had a fight. About trust. Trust is definitely important. Do I trust her enough? Yes I do. But I don't show it. How come? I don't know. I joke with her and... Never mind, its too complicated. But I'm relieved now, we stopped our quarrel. I don't think I can take another blow is something happens to her and me. I don't think I will be able to go on with my life in school if that happens. If she stops talking to me, there's not much people left in school who i really know and I'll feel like a total stranger. I feel like the stupidest kid in school. So what if you got 16 points Nick? So what? They (my classmates) got 14 12 10 9 points... What is 16 points? PATHETIC. You are stupid, Nick, that's why you got a pathetic 6 outta 30 for economics.

I felt so so very sad that day. I felt like I should have cried but I didn't. It would have been more embarrassing. I can't help but feel inferior to my classmates. Am I really not good in anything? Basketball. No I am not good, there are others better. English? No, there's still others. So what other talents do I have? NOTHING. I am a piece of crap. Just lying on the side walk, unimportant. Waiting for people to step all over me.

Did I make the correct choice in choosing JC? Or should I have taken up psychology in a polytechnic? I'm a mess now I am...

I'm a mess now I am

I'm a mess now I am

I'm a mess now I am

I'm a mess now I am

I'm a mess now I am