Heard Around The House

Jia: Eh Nick, eat tofu.
Nick: -Incredulous look-
Nick: Whaaat?! A girl's asking me to 吃她的豆腐？First time getting that.
Jia: Uhh what the?!

Sticky Tape of Love

I've been bumming around recently since I've been laid off at work (no biggie, I'm just waiting for a higher calling) and I started watching videos of my favourite "band", Flight of the Conchords again on youtube.

If you listen carefully to their lyrics of their songs, you would find meaningful words below all the witty humour mixed in with it. I've hardly come across a musical group that produces music like they do. Here's one of my all time favourite songs:

Lives are like retractable pencils
If you push them too hard they're gonna break
And people are like paper dolls
Paper dolls and people, they're a similar shape
Hmm hmm hm
Love is like a roll of tape
It's real good for making two things one
But just like that roll of tape
Love sometimes breaks off before you were done
Another way that love is similar to tape
That I've noticed
Is sometimes it's hard to see the end
You search on the roll
(search on the roll)
Search on the roll
(searching round the roll)
Search on the roll
(search)
With your fingernail
Again and again
And again and again
And again.
Brown paper, white paper
Stick it together with the tape
The tape of love
The sticky stuff
Brown paper, white paper
Stick it together with tape
The tape of love
The sticky stuff.
People people Chorus: Brown paper, white paper
Paper paper Stick it together with tape
Paper paper The tape of love
People people
People people
Pencil pencil
Pencil pencil
Paper paper
Put the pencil to the paper
Give the paper to the people
Let the people read about the sello tape
Oh baby baby
Yeah
You know, Jemaine, I've been thinking about love. And I guess it's the very stron-
gest adhesive.
Oh sorry, Bret. Were you talking to me? I was humming. What did you say?
Oh, just...nothing.
Brown paper, white paper
Stick it together with tape
The tape of love
The sticky stuff
Yeah
Ooh brown
Brown paper, white paper
Stick it together with tape
The tape of love
Say it
Sticky
Stick stick
Stick it together
Ye-yeah

Awesome aren't they? Especially's Jermaine's "People people, paper paper..." part. I'm sure you'll like their other videos too. You should go check them out. Sadly, I heard that their programme has been discontinued on HBO. Boo!

Anyway wish I could go cycling again at ECP and just sit and chill. Wouldn't you? Let the waves roll away all our problems and stress! Haha I'm all ready for it, just ring me up anytime. Don't worry, I don't bite.

And now, back to my report!

Serve Me Up a "炒油渔!"

I woke up late this morning for work and immediately informed my boss that I overslept and will be there late. Perhaps not a very "creative" excuse but it was an honest and truthful reason for me turning up late right? That didn't go too well for my boss though.


SMS Conversation

Nick: "Ahh gonna be late! Sorry sorry just woke up."
Boss: "Where are you?"
Nick: "Yishun!"
Boss: "You're not working today?"
(THIS was the most confusing part. So he's implying that I didn't have to work today?)
Nick: "I'm not? Oh I thought I'm working 1130-9 no?"
Boss: "What time is it now?"
Nick: "What am I? Your timekeeper? Why don't you call the Mr LKY and ask him what day it is today too? Err so I'm not supposed to work today?"
Nick: "Uhh so I'm not supposed to be working today?"
Boss: "You reward yourself with a holiday?"
Nick: "Huh what? What holiday? The next ones not till next week what!"
(Presidential elections and me employing army's 'Act blur, live longer')
Boss: "What an attitude!"
Boss: "Send in your august hours."
(Ahh trying to dismiss me and act 一个 boss eh?)
Nick: "Attitude? What're you talking about?? I'm so confused!!"
(Me still trying to act blur.)
Boss: "Since when I told you not to work?"
Boss: "If u are not working today and do not give a proper reason, according to the standard procedure, you have to go."
(Wait whut? 'Standard procedure? There wasn't even a procedure he had in the first place! And 'proper reason?' I gave an honest and truthful answer! Did you want me to lie about something 'proper' to the occasion then?)
Nick: "Since just now lar! "You're not working today?" SEE. And I'm not going. The one who's going is YOU. I QUIT. You didn't fire me, you hear me fool?!"
(Always wanted to do that.)
Boss: "ok."

HAHAHAHA okay sorry that wasn't exactly what happened. Wished it was though. Go out with a bang ya know?


.
.
.
Nick: "Huh what? What holiday?"
(Employing army's "Act blur live longer motto.")
Boss: "What an attitude!"
(Oh guess that didn't work on him.)
Boss: "Send in your august hours."
Nick: "No no wait, I really really don't get it! I really thought I had to work today, but just now you said that I had no work today? So now I'm confused, do I have to work today?"
Boss: "Since when I told you not to work?"
Boss: "If u are not working today and do not give a proper reason, according to the standard procedure, you have to go."
Nick: "But I really did overslept! Ahh I see, okay okay. Well thanks for giving me a job in the first place though. It was good retail experience and I got to see how ugly customers can get. Interesting eyeopener. So long and hope your business booms!"
(Was contemplating about saying something mean, but didn't want to end up being immature like what happened before so I decided not to.)
Boss: "ok."

And there you have it, my boss treated me to a "炒油渔"! I'm not feeling to down about it. Just annoyed that he took my honest answer as an invalid excuse for being late at work. I have a feeling that he'd probably rather me lie to him something about bringing my grandma to the clinic or something. He ought to belong in the NSS, National Society of Sarcasm. If there was one... Kinda confusing when trying to understand him. He could be really nice and friendly one time like he treated me lunch then suddenly he's like this, firing me, making me redundant, obsolete to the company, laying me off, cutting loose ends. Whatever! I've been there for a while already and have been toying with the idea of finding a different job experience anyway. No time better than now!

Startling unexplained object found in "magical" red pail

Startling unexplained object found in "magical" red pail.
Randuhm Neus

A shiny metal food shredder was found in a red pail by Nick Oh, a teen just turned adult, only just after a recent discovery of a red fish in the exact same pail this morning.

"I was taking my usual morning shower when I saw it," said Nick, "at first I thought my grandma left it in there wanting me to scrub my body with this instead of those usual scrub thingies cause you know, I've got skin problem and it makes my skin dry and flaky sometimes, but I realized that she uses the same one to shred her carrots or whatever so I didn't use it though it looked quite new. Maybe if she got me a new one I would."


The sudden appearance of a random object found in this mysterious red pail.


What is startling is not that Mr Oh intended to use the shredder as a substitute for a scrub, but the fact that 2 random objects, one living and another non-living, had appeared out of nowhere an into the pail.

Such a mysterious and perhaps magical object such as this red pail could only be heard in children's tales and in movies. Doraemon had a belly pocket with unlimited storage space (wow, no need to rent warehouses for storage any more, just rent Doraemon), and the Chinese children's tale of "巨宝碰" is about a magical pot that duplicated any item thrown into it.

Ongoing Investigations

Could this ordinary looking household pail be a manifestation of such legendary objects? There is no doubt that Mr Oh has not yet realised that he is in possession of a coveted treasure.

Authorities have removed the Red Pail (more of fear that the founder would harm himself) to an underground research facility at Jurong Island and investigations on the mysterious Red Pail has commenced. According to one of the researchers, the pail could be an "alien transportation vessel disguised as a simple household pail."

On whether there has been any further developments following the investigations, head researcher of Jurong Island Dr. Dray Mon-Stuhbeets explains, "I apologize as this is classified state project. All I can tell you for certain is that this amazing vessel, possibly extra-terrestrial in nature, has the ability to hold a large quantity of water. It's makers, I would hazard a guess, 'Toyogo' has done an impeccable job on it. It's material is very durable, and created in a round circular shape. Who doesn't like round things? That is all I have to comment thank you."

Randuhm Neus has been unable to get hold of any information for the moment as Jurong Island has been closed off to the public and it's staff were not permitted to disclose any information of this ever mysterious pail. "A press conference will be arranged in due time to answer the public's curiosity." informs a spokesperson for the research group amid outcries from the general public for transparency of the investigations. Results of the investigations are pending further development and no compensation seems to have been made to Mr Oh other than a new bath scrub that arrived in his mail that afternoon.