New Magic Beans to Flaunt Your Magic Stick!

Dear Troubled Sirs,

Having difficulty building steam while working those engines? Unable to stand at attention while your partner does his/her thang? (LOL @ "his") Does your banana just seem to freeze there in a limp while you try to stick it?

Introducing the new line of libido-strengthening products from Jack & The Beanstalk Pte Ltd. "Magic Beans (TM)" will surely allow your lady to climb YOUR beanstalk and climb it high effortlessly. In act she'll be so high, she'll be so horn-y for you.

For a price of just US$59.99, you can get a bag of "Magic Beans (TM)"! Purchase 2 bags and we'll throw in a free "Bean-Me Beanstalk (TM)" (basically a deel-doh) worth US$100.00 just for her! However, that's not all! Join our exclusive club of "High Flying Beanstalk Climbers" for a nominal one time membership fee (with lifetime membership) of US$299.00 and not only will you enjoy benefits such as exclusive discounts on selected products from Jack & The Beanstalk Pte Ltd, but you will also have COVERAGE (Yes! Insurance for your Ding-A-Long-Long!) against any accidental damage to your stick shift for LIFE. (How can you guarantee that your family's weapon of penistrative penistration [penetrative penetration] that hasbeen handed down from generations to generations will not be exposed to wear and tear from your countless escapades to fulfill mankind's inherent basic mission to ensure it's own species' survival? YES, how CAN you guarantee that?) Sounds too good to be true? Well it is and it is only getting better.

Join now during this promotional holiday period (Merry X'mas everyone!) and we will send Jill tumbling down the hill right up to your doorstep in all her matured self. (Jill doesn't belong in childhood stories or rhymes anymore. And she dumped Jack! Hurray!)

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE TO COME!

For a limited time only, the highly sought-after and rare lost-and-now-recovered DVDs of "How Jack and Jill came tumbling down the hill, and what happened down there, no one will be aware." will be available this year end. Pay a bit more and get in in 6D-HD! (The advancement of Cinemalogy is amazing.) Come grab it before it tumbles out of your hands!

Call 1900-999-999 to place your orders now! While stocks last.

Here are some of our satisfied customer's feedback:
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"Life is meaningless. Any reasons anyone comes up with are just a mere way of getting through the days by attempting to create fulfillment. But if you ponder hard enough, you will realize the futility of life. This dawned on me few years back and as dark as it may be, it brought about a sense of relief. Life is short, life is meaningless. So do what you want, live recklessly, live for the moment. Nothing matters in the end, anyway. Then I realised that "Magic Beans (TM)" did just that for me. It took me all the way up and gave me a glimpse of Paradise on the beanstalk that seemed to have exploded out of my body somewhere just below my mid-section. And it was then on I realised how futile life was, and that I should live for the moment. It was life changing this "Magic Beans (TM)" was. I urge all of you to try some before you start finding any meaning in life."

- Our Satisfied Customer

And that's all the feedback we have for now...


Nick Oh
Founder and CEO of Jack & The Beanstalk PTE LTD.